My children were born white, so they have privilege. It was not my predetermined intention to bring white children into the world, it just so happens that my children are white because their fathers are also white.

Race has never been a required concern for me, and for that I apologize. I apologize for not realizing that race does matter. I was raised to treat everyone with respect, regardless of race or color or religion. So in that sense, a person’s humanity is what I base a friendship on – the idea of race or color as a qualification for friendship was not on my list of requirements.

I do not know the fears a family shares with their blackness or brownness, because I was born white.

I do not have to fear for my son’s well-being driving in the “good” part of town wearing a hoodie, because he is white.

I do not understand the struggles of my brothers and sisters of color – and I do not pretend to understand. Theirs is a struggle for equality that has been in process for generations.

My struggle for equality is different.

I am a woman.

I am a white woman.

I am a white LGBTQ woman.

The difference between myself and others is that I can hide my difference and jump back into the closet any time I want/need to. I am lucky.

I am a mother first. When that teenager was sobbing over the death of his father, all I wanted to do was dive through that television and comfort him, because I saw a child. A grieving child who now holds fear in his heart about the people who are supposed to protect us…

Protect US – ALL OF US… Not just white us.

A personal note to Cameron Sterling:

I am so afraid of where this all could go. So afraid that this civil war that has been brewing for generations will implode and consume us as a civilization.

I never imagined that my children would have to live in a world full of hatred and fear. Granted, my children, being white, do not fear the same people that their friends of color fear. I hope I can teach my children to use their privilege to help communicate the injustices of this world – to use their privilege not to holler their own needs – but the needs of other voices that must be heard.

I fear for us. I fear for the families of everyone gunned in recent days, months and years. I fear for the children of law enforcement who will now be targeted just because of their parent’s profession. I have friends and family on both sides of this issue. I have cousins and their children who are multi-racial. I have friends who put on a uniform and badge every day. Honest, lawful officers who want to keep citizens safe. So who do I choose to support? My black cousins or my officer friends? Perhaps my naivete is the reason I believe it is possible to choose both.

Just because I love my black family members does not mean I disregard the lives of officers lost. Just because I mourn for my police officer friends does not mean that I disrespect the lives of my black cousins.

Hopefully we can work together to heal the pain – but I don’t know if it will happen in my lifetime…

I am so afraid for all of our children.